Unbelievably, Editor Steve still made us go searching for amusing YouTube clips this week, even though England were busy playing Test cricket. As a result, we ended up forgetting to tweet for basically the entire five days. Normally this would have led to us receiving a brutal beating or two for our troubles but this week no skin was broken. Quite why Editor Steve is in such a good mood nobody knows. No doubt it won’t last. Tune in next time for an update on whether or not we have suffered at his hands.
We love Graham Onions. As well as being another from Durham’s production line of ruggedly handsome fast bowlers (plus Steve Harmison), he was also rather good at that bowling lark, at least until his back sort of melted. His spell in the England side coincided with two of the great series, namely the 2009 Ashes win in England and the trip to South Africa at the end of the year in which he saved not one but two matches with the bat. And his reward for this epic feat? Being dropped for Ryan Sidebottom. Some people are just plain stupid and deserve everything they get.
This clip looks back at Onions’ debut, when he took five wickets against the West Indies. It’s standard enough stuff, but the soundtrack really propels it into tearjerker territory, as if Onions is about to be reunited with the brother he never knew he had, rather than just watching a clip of Denesh Ramdin playing around a straight one. Credit should also go to our Graham for keeping his shit together at the end, when the camera runs on about 20 seconds longer than is necessary.
Following Paul Downton’s unceremonious sacking for basically being really shit at his job, there’s been a fair bit of talk in the press about who will replace him, with Michael Vaughan one of the favourites. That’s the same Michael Vaughan that stars in our latest clip, yet another bit of the 2013/14 Ashes down under that we’ve suppressed in the back of our minds, bottled away where it can definitely never do us any harm.
In this particular clip, Vaughan is plugging KFC from about a mile above the SCG, for reasons unknown, presumably because this is exactly the sort of shit that Channel Nine do. Unless KFC were aiming to boost their reputation by cutting the rope at some point, sending everyone’s favourite media gobshite plummeting towards certain death in the car park. Now that might have encouraged us to partake of Colonel Sanders’ finest.
Alas, Vaughan survives, even if he does blatantly forget what he was planning to say and basically just repeats the same nonsense several times over. Now we come to think about it, that Managing Director of English cricket role is made for him.
Some terrible umpiring from back in the day, just to prove that Aleem Dar hasn’t pioneered the concept of getting absolutely everything wrong, even if he is its modern day standard bearer. Here Geoff Lawson, unsurprisingly shitting himself at having to face Michael Holding, treads on his stumps not once but twice, getting away with it both times. The second time he basically boots a stump out of the ground, a la Holding himself, but umpire Dick French isn’t having any of it and just fetches it from near the boundary, puts it back in and encourages everyone to just get on with things.
Lawson then nicks to slip, presumably because he’s really embarrassed at what’s happened. Or possibly because he really wasn’t cut out for the whole ‘facing fast bowling’ malarkey.
So many cricketing axioms together in this one video: Mark Ramprakash – England’s current batting coach, lest we forget – throwing away a good start; England conspiring to mess up a decent position against Australia; Bob Willis getting very angry; Michael Holding being very disappointed; a blonde legspinner being the star of the show. Basically, if you took every article ever written on this website and put them into a blender, the juice that would emerge would be this exact clip. Although we’re not sure how you’d get it back into your computer. Don’t try that one at home kids.