A gradual but inevitable descent into cricket-based loathing and bile.

Runs Don’t Win Matches, Catches Do

Posted on December 5, 2013 by in Opinion, Tests


Runs don’t win matches, catches do,
Ask any commentator and they’ll tell you its true,
It’s a fact that drops makes bowlers violent,
Like Mitchell Johnson telling little Jimmy to be silent,
You don’t believe me? Here’s my hype,
Offer me the scorecard and I’ll show you the type,
Of dropped chances: this crap shit is breedin’,
Its a fact that MA Carberry was misfieldin’,
Monty Panesar made my mother say ‘Fuck’,
If it stuck in his hands then he woulda been in luck,
But he didn’t, he got it wrong,
Joseph fucking Root told me to make this fucking song
So I started, I watched another tape,
That catch by Swann made my cock and balls ache,
So remember kids, from the head double tap,
Runs don’t win matches, it’s just crap!

Runs don’t win matches, catches do
Sound of Warnie whining
Woo Woo Woo

Runs don’t win matches, catches do,
I seen it in a replay on Sky Sports 2,
32 runs from 29 balls: there is no value
Runs blazin’ like Michael Clarke in Zulu
Run-rate statistics are sometimes misleading,
“That type of cricketer” that crap is breedin,
Caught at backward point? No wonder you stopped breathin’,
Four runs an over, are you receivin?
Remember flat tracks in 2006/07
Colly the Rock’s up in cricket heaven,
Biggie centuries from him and KP,
Harmy, Hoggy and Freddie are in the cemetary


Runs don’t win matches, catches do
I’m a fucking fielder and I might catch you,
As captain I’m teachin’ you a lesson,
Bowl full and straight to Smith-and-Watson
Just say awww no, just like Watto
Bullet proof pads, 50 runs and out-o,
Shit shot gangster-trippin,
Even Anderson’s into pistol whippin’,
Its like dismissing batsman number one,
D-Warner hitting J-Ro in a nightclub with a gun,
Heard Ben Stokes has been handed his first cap,
Runs don’t win matches, it’s just crap


With half-hearted apologies and thanks to Goldie Lookin’ Chain.

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