A gradual but inevitable descent into cricket-based loathing and bile.

England vs. New Zealand, Second Test: Day Three Review

Posted on May 26, 2013 by in Tests

England  354 (Root 104, Bairstow 64; Boult 5/57) & 116/1 (Cook 88*)

New Zealand 174 (Swann 4/42)

In a sentence

New Zealand being blown away in a session, Nick Compton not making any runs and Nick Compton being extremely handsome: some things never change.

In more sentences

This was pretty much everything we (and the entire rest of the cricket world) predicted at the start of the series. The New Zealand bowlers completed a far from shabby effort in the first innings before their batsmen collapsed like men completely and utterly lost in Jenna Louise Coleman’s eyes.

Or possibly distracted by her arse.

Or possibly distracted by her arse.

The only real tension for the day came around England’s decision not to enforce the follow on. Quite why they chose to bat again is up for debate: was it to give the top order more time in the middle? Had they not understood the whole 200/150 bad weather follow on rule stuff? Or was Graeme Swann just completely knackered after bowling a whole nine overs?

Regardless of the reason, the one thing England didn’t want to see was Nick Compton fail again. And yet he did, in a horribly stodgy, one-paced way. While we’ve taken Joe Root to heart – plans to infiltrate and loot Scyld Berry’s shrine are already well underway – we’re not quite sure we want to see him opening in the Ashes when he seems so at home in the middle order. However, what we want doesn’t seem to carry much weight in English selectorial circles. Or indeed within our own office – you should see how old and tatty our gin glasses are.

Player of the day

It seems like forever since we last saw Graeme Swann strutting his stuff at Test level. It’s not actually been that long – it’s just that we struggle to remember what happened yesterday, let alone before Christmas – but it was reassuring nonetheless to see him actually doing what he does best: escaping drink driving charges bowling. His brief spell ripped the heart out of New Zealand’s top/middle order, helped by some defensive techniques that could be generously described as flakey. Or possibly Australian. From there it was game over.

51allout fact: Aussie Matt will be weeping when he sees this.

51allout fact: Aussie Matt will weep when he sees this.

Outlook for tomorrow

The main excitement for the remainder of this Test is around whether England can overcome the weather to seal victory. While the forecast for tomorrow is okay, the same can’t be said for Tuesday, when the apocalypse is due to reach Leeds. England already have a lead of nearly 300. How many more do they need before they let New Zealand chase? Common sense says they already have enough. Expect to see England batting until just before tea then.



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