A gradual but inevitable descent into cricket-based loathing and bile.

Champions Trophy, England vs. Some Other Teams: Review

Posted on June 17, 2013 by in 40/50-over, Opinion


Despite one or two teeny hiccups along the way, England have soared into the Champions Trophy semi-finals. And despite one or two thousand hiccups along the way, here at 51allout we’ve just about recovered from a rollercoaster week of emotions as England’s fortunes swung this way and that while we drank ourselves through the despair. We’re now back to feeling almost functional again, enough to come up with a few things we’ve learnt from the past four days. Now these are all scientific facts. There’s no real ‘evidence’ for them but they are scientific facts:

  • Alastair Cook bats far too slowly for limited overs cricket and his wicket comes as a welcome relief in each game as it allows some super-duper big hitters to come in.
  • Alastair Cook is a superb player, able to adapt to any situation and should break into England’s T20 side in time for the World T20 in Bangladesh next year.
Despite the typo, Nick Knight's new t-shirt was basically accurate.

Despite the typo, Nick Knight’s new t-shirt and hat combo was basically accurate.

  • England’s explosive lower-order batsmen are being stifled by the top order batting on so long, forcing them to come in and swing from the off each time and giving them little chance to succeed.
  • England’s solid, dependable top order are setting the stage for their hitters every innings but the likes of Eoin Morgan and Jos Buttler are really letting them down. In all three games they’ve provided a strong base but then the team has collapsed and finished short of where they should be.
Morgan demonstrates his mad batting skillz.

Morgan demonstrates his mad batting skillz.

  • England’s batsmen have been badly let down by their bowlers a number of times already this summer and the attack often appears disturbingly unprepared when presented by an opposition smashing it to all parts. Bowlers with the experience and ability of Tim Bresnan, Stuart Broad and Jimmy Anderson should be able to think on their feet and counter such free hitting.
  • England have perhaps the best attack in the tournament, able to devastate top orders using two new balls and to put the squeeze on in the middle of an innings. The pressure they exert helps them constantly pick up wickets and means they can defend almost any score.
Mrs Bresnan puts the squeeze on.

Mrs Bresnan puts the squeeze on.

  • The only explanation for the way England have managed to get such significant reverse-swing so early in matches is that they’ve been acting like the crafty imperialist bastards they are and doing naughty things to the ball.
  • The fact England have been able to utilise reverse-swing to such an extent is testament to their excellent skills and clever tactics; like bowling cross-seam early on and throwing it in to the ‘keeper on the bounce to rough up the ball.
Or just being really smug.

Or just being really smug.

  • Australia are shit.
The latest performance even disgusted the Aussie prime minister.

The latest performance even disgusted the Aussie prime minister.


1 Comment

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Stu H

18 Jun 2013 12:46

Brilliant article, sums the press of the ODI side up perfectly.