Having spent a blissful 36 hours not caring about cricket, we were woken this evening by notification that Liam Plunkett has been called into the Lions squad. Either we have descended into an abysmal hell, or we’re still dreaming. Maybe we’ve been dreaming all winter long and we’re actually going to awake in a minute just in time for Alastair Cook to win the first toss of the Ashes. Which would be strange, because most of our dreams last two minutes and are about Margot Robbie.
Anyway, upon checking twitter to see that Plunkett is actually still in the selectors’ thoughts (as we noted back in May), it dawned on us that the next ODI starts tonight. Bollocks and bugger. After another humiliation at Brisbane – this time after England had the brassneck to actually look like winning – another match is the last thing on our minds. And England’s probably, considering Margot Robbie’s latest film role. Australia could pick anyone and still win – even Dan Christian. England could pick everyone and still lose. Though of course that’s actually everyone bar Steven Finn and a front-line spinner. Seriously, if James Tredwell or Danny Briggs don’t get a game tonight at the SCG, they might as well give up and write a blog about actresses who used to be in Neighbours.
Tredwell to spin a web of wonder as Australia are bowled out inside nineteen overs. England to finish one run short from their fifty overs, having lost all 51 wickets. Plunkett to catch the next Airbus to Sydney. Us to go back to our dreams.