A gradual but inevitable descent into cricket-based loathing and bile.

The 51allout 2015 Ashes Competition Thing!

Posted on June 30, 2015 by in Opinion


So far the glorious history of 51allout includes talking shit over just two Ashes series, which is slightly terrifying, given that it feels like we ran out of funny things to say years ago. But the third such series is now just a few short days away and if that isn’t cause for a celebration, we don’t know what is. Apart from Peter Moores getting sacked, which led to the sort of wild street parties normally reserved for public holidays or slightly early Friday finishes.

Anyway, in order to celebrate said upcoming Ashes series we’ve dug up one of our least successful old ideas, in the form of a good old-fashioned competition. For the 2013 Ashes series in England we gave away an unsigned picture of legendary 51allout nemesis Adam Dibble – now up to a whopping four First Class appearances – to some bloke called Andy. But this year we’re going to go one better with the greatest prize the human mind can imagine:

Sadly not including our Lord and Saviour actually in it.

Sadly not including our Lord and Saviour actually in it.

That’s right: thanks to some eagle-eyed skills while out shopping for gin, we’ve managed to get our hands on an identical hat to the one worn by Devereux in our favourite picture of all time. In a perfect world, we’d have got him to sign it but – thanks to a number of restraining orders – that’s not going to happen. We’d basically have to just leave it in the middle of the street and hope that he signed it and then put it back for us to collect once he’d gone. And what are the chances of that happening? What sort of person would sign a novelty item of clothing that appears to belong to a homeless and then leave it behind? It really doesn’t make any sense.

As a result, the hat will come with the next best thing: a certificate of authenticity signed by none other than Dermot Reeve. Although that certificate might need its own certificate of authenticity too. Basically, there will be a number of certificates with the hat. It’s truly the ultimate prize!

Even better than this. And about $800 cheaper!

Even better than this. And about $800 (plus P&P) cheaper!

So what do you have to do to win this amazing prize? Simple: tell us how many runs you think Steven Peter Devereux Smith will score in the upcoming Ashes series (Test matches only, none of this ODI or T20 malarkey). Only one answer per person. The nearest answer will win. In the unlikely event of a tie, we’ll probably just keep the hat ourselves. Or do a random draw. We haven’t really planned it out in any great depth.

You can either use the comments section of this article, send us a tweet (@51allout) or an email (mailbox@51allout.co.uk) and hopefully we’ll remember to put all the entries in one place. Although our decision is final, even if that decision involves losing a bunch of entries down the back of the incredibly filthy 51allout sofa.

You have until the series starts on July 8th to enter. You can try entering after that, but we’ll probably be too busy laughing at England’s rubbishness to notice. Consider yourselves warned.

You have to be prepared to lose this competition in order to win!

Remember: you have to be prepared to lose this competition in order to win!



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09 Jul 2015 11:54

412 of the most glorious runs


The Real KP

06 Jul 2015 17:27

507 runs at 72.43. Considerably more if Ali and Rashid bowl in tandem.



06 Jul 2015 13:44

506. It’s going to be a long summer..



06 Jul 2015 07:30




03 Jul 2015 11:33

A solid 475


Jamie Frost

01 Jul 2015 15:27

437 runs


Brian Wilkinson

01 Jul 2015 00:25

360. Australia’s leading run scorer. We can dream, can’t we. I’d even take 200* of them in the 2nd innings at The Oval to save Australia from a 5-0 defeat.


Tim Bresnan’s Heavy Ball

30 Jun 2015 17:26

326 runs



30 Jun 2015 12:22

601 runs.