A gradual but inevitable descent into cricket-based loathing and bile.
England vs. New Zealand, First Test: Day One Review
England 160-4 (one hundred and sixty)
In a sentence
Since England couldn’t be arsed to do anything of note, we can’t be arsed to do a proper review.
Elsewhere, Ravi Bopara actually managed to hit the ball off the square #RaviIn
In a selection of sentences
If you’re going to score at two an over for an entire day, please forewarn us in future so we can stock up on gin.
If you’re going to run down the wicket and have a massive premeditated slog, try not to spoon it straight to cover; you’ll look like a nob.
If you see one of your teammates run down the wicket, have a massive slog and spoon it straight to cover, that doesn’t mean you have to block every single subsequent ball from that particular bowler all day.
Bruce Martin is not the Messiah, he’s a very average spinner. Stop making him seem otherwise.
Trent Boult is quite good.
Outlook for tomorrow
Don’t collapse, score a bit quicker. Sacrifice anything/anyone to keep the rain away.
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Ayews
16 May 2013 23:12
my sympathies on having to write about the most turgid day of cricket since Chris Tavare’s 6 1/2 hour 35 borefest in Madras, after you with the gin