Either Tino Best really did almost score a century or we have some seriously weird dreams after a night on the gin.
Rain leads to boredom. Bordom leads to old scorecards. Old scorecards lead to anger. Welcome to the dark side, featuring Jamie Dalrymple.
We’re going to do it. We’re going to take the plunge. Mike Atherton is wrong. There, we said it. We feel bad already.
Hussain, Atherton, Caddick, Flintoff, Gough, Headley, Hick, Ramprakash, Schofield, Stewart, Vaughan and White. Hang on, Schofield? You just tried to slip that one in to check we were paying attention, didn’t you?
Kemar Roach set the tone for England’s reply with one of the great spells of no-ball bowling before the West Indies wilted under the Nottingham sun.
The second Test in the series might actually see some sunshine. Will that help the West Indies to a famous victory? No: they’re going to get mullered.
After an early wobble, Alastair Cook and Ian Bell comfortably saw England home.
England were unable to really press home their advantage in the early part of the day, but taking three wickets for no runs just before tea put them in a winning position.
Yeeeeeeesssss! Not our words, the words of Andrew Strauss.
England were well below their best on the opening day of the international summer, but only Shivnarine Chanderpaul offered genuine resistance and they ended it in the ascendancy.