The two sides traded jabs throughout the day, with neither side able to land the killer blow, either through traditional methods or by biting their opponent’s ear off.
Gingers aren’t just for ritual teasing and hilarious premature sunburning.
England hardly missed Kevin Pietersen’s bowling at all as they waltzed through the South African top order.
Believe it or not, there’s an actual Test match this week. And there we were thinking they’d abolished it in favour of regular tweet-offs.
A largely awful final day was briefly lit up by Stuart Broad remembering how to bowl, before it descended back into mind-numbing tedium for the final hour.
With the war a mere eight days old, Kevin Pietersen led England’s belated battle charge.
England contrived to fail to bowl their opponents out for most of the day, but again kept themselves in the game with a strong final session.
Despite playing dreadful cricket for most of the day, England managed to end it with the Test quite evenly poised.
It’s alright, you don’t have to pretend to care about women’s P.E. any more.
To distract attention from the hammering South Africa are giving them, it seems England has instead simply invented a bunch of sports that mostly involve running really fast and invited some of their mates over to play. We are suspicious about why cricket isn’t included.