Get to number one. Get whitewashed. Drop everyone. Start again.
Pakistan continued to dominate with the bat, before a flurry of wickets gave England a smidgeon of hope.
After a series chiefly based around batting torment, the likes of which last seen when Ronnie Irani was playing for England, today saw Pakistan take firm control of the game with patient but controlled innings from Azhar Ali and Younus Khan, the latter scoring the first century of the series.
Ordinarily, dismissing your hosts for 99 after they won the toss would be cause for joy. But this was no ordinary day; it was a day that had observers reaching for their thesauruses trying to find both new superlatives and new curses.
After a rather eventful sojourn to Abu Dhabi it’s back to Dubai for Pakistan and England for the final game of the series. A dead rubber it may be, but there’s more than pride at stake, especially for the beleagured English batsmen.
India’s horror series reached its predictable conclusion with one final almighty beating from Australia. Here’s our verdict on the Adelaide massacre.
This time around, it was the left-armer who took the wickets. Abdur Rehman bowled sharply and accurately for 10.1 scintillating overs, during which he made England look as competent as Walmington-on-Sea Home Guard.
England’s tail wagged, Pakistan’s top order crumbled and things are fantastically poised for tomorrow.
England dominated all bar the final hour of the day, but were powerless to resist as Saeed Ajmal clawed Pakistan back into the game.
Having lost the toss, England’s bowlers once again rose to the occasion and wore Pakistan’s batting down on an excellent pitch in Abu Dhabi.